Motives of Life

It's scary to say the least.
And all these episodes bring out one sad reality that is so much on your face- the futility of what we (laymen) do on a day-to-day basis. What concerns me is the meaninglessness of job life (you may differ) and the aim for materialistic pleasures (far above what we actually need) that humans possess in general. And the question comes haunting back time and again- what do I really want to do?
When I appeared for my interview for ISB class of 2010, one of the panel members asked me the most obvious question to any B-school aspirant- "Where do you see yourself 15 years down the line?", to which I had little or no clue, and I blabbered out something like, "I see myself in a position where I can positively impact the lives of people around me". A very vague reply, especially considering the seriousness in the tone of the query. The interviewer thus remarked, "So basically you don't know what you want to achieve in the long term?!" and I nodded in the affirmative.
Cut to the present, the reality is actually not shaped by how I think or feel. Sadly, it is unknown- and the recent bombings in some of the landmarks of Mumbai brings this very fact to the light- we plan our lives assuming the best around us. But is that always the case? On the contrary, it's far from that.
You may feel I am being unduly pessimistic. But is it not true that we, as ambitious individuals, crib and fight over matters that deserve the least of thought? "I must have a pair of Gucci shoes and at least one Tommy shirt- otherwise what am I earning for?". It's like we are asking ourselves for a justification for the meaningless chores of daily life. We forget that there are much more serious issues at hand that deserve higher levels of attention and focus.
I really hope we come out of this human carnage as more mature and humble individuals- that we take a step back and introspect as to what we really want out of our lives.
As for me, I am still searching for the answer.

Life's a rigmarole
Where's the purpose, where's the goal
The same script time and again
What pain, what pain............

We seem to be so engrossed in our banal activities, treating them oh-so-importantly, that we tend to miss out on the real thrills of life. The petty fights, the quotidian office to-dos and meaningless meetings- the smart asses have a lot to preach about- they say the same things like men before them have, with such authority that it makes me wonder where they get such audacity from! I don't see originality, I don't see creativity and I've lost a view of life. I miss the days spent in college, the days of continuous tension and sweat spent in a craving to achieve goals seemingly impossible. We pursued challenges- difficult ones at that, with such vigour that it made the process more appealing than the end result.

I wish I could rediscover myself soon.